11th Grade MP 1 Band Portfolio Update

THREE MUSICAL GOALS FOR JUNIOR YEAR

1. Tone- I have always had a weak tone due to a lack of confidence and air and I feel that if I get a more confident and clear tone I will have a better sound and be a better player. I could try to reach this goal only by being aware of air control while I'm practicing and gain confidence in my music by practicing more often.
2. Improvisation- I want to work on improvisation because I'm not the best jazz player because I was never in one and I feel that if I work on my skills with improvisation I will be a better jazz musician. The only way one can improve on improvisation is repetition, but I could also work with chord progression because I have yet to understand how that works.
3. Technique- I still have an issue with having a too strong tonguing technique and when I play fast my fingers sometimes go faster than my tongue. I could practice fixing this with scales every time before I practice and by being focused on how hard I hit the reed.

This picture is from region band. You can sorta see me.

ESSAY:

Music has shaped my life in many ways.  Just three of the ways are how it gave me friends, confidence and inspiration. A few days ago I was talking with a friend about where I would be without band. Everyone of my friends is in band and my life revolves around my practicing schedule, marching band practices, football games, concerts, lessons and sax quartet rehearsal. I don't use the phrase 'Music is my life' in a light way. When I'm not working on school work, I am working on music. Also, music is a natural high I can use to affect my mood. If I am upset about something I can lock myself in my room and play piano for fifteen minutes and instantly feel better. Music shaped my life by making me a better person.

final portfolio update

GOAL UPDATE:

1. My first goal was to get into SWE and I did so I guess my progress was good. I guess an update for this would be to earn my spot next year by working hard in the group.

2. My second goal was to play more musically. Of my three goals this is the one that I think I gained least in this year. If I am feeling confident, I play with more air but that doesn't necessarily make it more musical, just clearer and louder. I'm hoping to get better at this over the summer for festivals next year.

3. My third goal was to play more confidently. I'm pretty sure this whole year in itself was a confidence boost, and not just in music, so I do everything with more confidence now. To become confident this year I just went out of my comfort zone and decided that if I didn't try for things, like festivals, then I would probably regret it. I'm really glad I did that many times.

MUSICAL ACCOMPLISHMENTS

1. I'd say getting into Region Band as a sophomore is pretty good haha.
2. I auditioned for jazz band (literally not even getting in). I guess I'm so proud that I even auditioned because I never had been in it before and jazz band was always something that made me scared because the music is loose and can be played differently than straight concert band music. Also probably the improv. Everyone says it's easy, but it was my first time and I'm just proud that I didn't freak out and run out of the room.
3. The sax quartet this year was really great. Honestly I'm probably the worst one there because I always try to be quiet and let like alto 1 or tenor play out when they have the melody but sometimes that makes me unheard. BUT we did sound good this year for only practicing a week, especially Max, so I think that's a pretty good accomplishment.

CONTRIBUTION TO THE ENSEMBLE:

To be in concert band, everyone has to have a part, I understand that, but to me, I feel that everyone's contributions are the same. It's different than practicing a piece you need to learn by yourself. In a band setting, not only do we all need to practice the music alone, but also practice it together and rehearse. I'm not sure if it was you or Mr. Laird that always said this, but it was 'Practice at home, rehearse at school'. It really makes sense because many people in band think they can just go and play and be ready, but they aren't. So practicing is huge. As a single person in the band one also needs to arrive at rehearsals everyday if they can and I think I've done well with that too. To the band this year, I've been a good contribution.

UPDATE BAND PROJECT YAY

(This is Mikayla McCord)

GOAL UPDATE:

1. Make SWE:
Well, I haven't had my audition yet, but I have worked for it, like listening to the pieces online and practicing every night. Considering I know the pieces well I think it will come down to how confident I am that day/how nervous I am.

2. Play more musically:
I have been working more on this. I think playing musically for me anymore doesn't have to do with memories so much anymore, just if I am feeling confident when I am playing. If I am confident about my playing during that practice session, playing feels really good and I enjoy it. But, if I'm not playing well then I don't really play musically. I still need to learn how to play musically all the time, not just when I feel like it.

3. Play with confidence:
I definitely have more confidence than I did at the beginning of the year, but I'd say my confidence still need a bit of work. Getting to Region Band is a huge confidence boost, so I'm playing off of that currently.



PIECES I ENJOY LISTENING TO:

1. Summer, Highland Falls by Billy Joel


2. Dreams by The Cranberries


3. Glory and Gore by Lorde


PIECES I ENJOY PERFORMING:

1. Flower Song by Gustav Lange

2. Rest by Frank Ticheli
(and Praise To the Lord but no youtube video :( )

LOCH LOMOND

Some elements present in this piece are mostly things that make the piece 'pretty'. Dynamics at powerful points in the piece make it sound powerful and strong, but at the softer parts dynamics make the piece sound more graceful. The tempo changes at intensity as well. To play this piece with the style the composer intended, I have to play with a lot of air at the loud parts and blend better when I don't have an important part. (because the saxes are so loud and amazing ;) ) I also have to 'feel' the music because the emotion of the piece is very sad.

BAND PROJECT/SOMETHING I WOULD ACTUALLY NORMALLY WRITE ABOUT

OKAY! Well, Mr. Sheehan. I mean, you can go through my old posts and read them to find out a biography about me, but to not waste your time, here's a simple one.

My name is Mikayla. I play alto sax, piano and I wish I could say guitar but we aren't really friends at the moment. I just made district band (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) so I guess I can't say I'm bad at saxophone anymore. I've kind of quit piano lately but I'm gonna get back to it maybe. I was in kanit last year so I guess I'm somewhat a percussionist if you count fighting Harber in a power rangers shirt as percussion. I kind of love band. Like it's pretty much all I talk about. Pretty sure I annoy people too much about it.

GOALS:

1. Become more confident.
So I don't know if this is accurate as 'something that's reachable' because I have been trying to become confident for a few years. I guess confidence isn't something that just comes to me. To get more confidence I guess I just have to let go of some of my petty fears. Going into something, like auditioning for district band, I even told myself like 'It's not a big deal if you don't make it, just go and play', but in the moment I freak. I could also try to play for other people more so it's not a big deal when I have to play for the people that matter, aka you haha.

2. Play more musically.
I think when I played piano I did play my saxophone more musically, but now that I've quit, I just have to get 'closer' I guess to my saxophone. To work on this I can listen to the piece I'm playing and try to hear how it is supposed to sound. Or, like what I used to do with piano, find a memory that the piece sounds like and play it thinking of that memory. If the song is sad, find something sad. If it's happy, find something happy.

3. Make SWE.
This one... Well I hope it's possible haha. I think it's measurable since I made district band. I could do it by practicing like every single night like I did for district band so I can try. I can also go to all my sax lessons and get as much help from my teacher as possible.

ESSAYS:

What does music mean to me? Well, music has just always been there. I mean, I'd like to have one of those cute stories where I had been singing before I could talk, playing around on the piano before I knew what notes were, but I don't. To be completely honest, I absolutely hated piano for the first four years I took it. The teacher I had was annoying and made me do these little finger exercises and made me learn scales and I was just like... Why are my parents paying for my personal torture? (And this was before Mr. Kunkle, I did love him when I took from him). So then in fourth grade my parents bought me a new form of torture- a saxophone. This time, I couldn't even breathe when I played it, and I couldn't even play the normal easy stuff I played on piano because it was in a different key. Like what the heck?? I went through elementary school a little easier though. People thought I was cool for playing instruments. Then, band camp. This was just a way of torture that I didn't think I could handle. So enough about my non-musical past. I don't know if it was band or Mr. Kunkle to thank for my love of music, maybe both. Mr. Kunkle got me to love piano in seventh grade with beautiful songs I couldn't even attempt to read that he got me to play. Then around eighth grade band started to grow on me. People didn't make fun of me for being a band geek and I was kind of okay at it. So here I am now, slightly better at saxophone, on a break from piano and I am in love with music. Now how did this long paragraph of my musical past prove what music means to me? If I'm being truthful, I don't know where I would be without music in my life at this point in it. Pretty much everything I have is from music: my friend group, my opportunities, my inspiration. I owe music my life because who knows what I would be doing right now without it. With music, I can express myself. I can be with a group of people that I love and they love me back no matter what happens. I have something that I'm good at and no matter how down I am sometimes I honestly just think about something that's going on at band later or what is going to happen at sax quartet next week and I'm instantly better. Without music, I'm nothing. But with music, I can be something. Yes, I did say can. Sometimes music stresses me out so much I want to scream. It's hard work. I constantly worry about who is the best and whether or not I'm good enough. But it's worth the good moments. Like the time I heard I was good enough for district band. Or that time we went to the first football game and literally got a compliment from everyone. Music is my life now, and that's why it's so special to me.

The six words that describe me as a musician are pessimistic, inspired, dedicated, developing, enthusiastic and hopeful.
Well you can guess why I chose pessimistic. I'm not the most confident player and I don't know why honestly, maybe because I'm so obsessed with being the best. Hopefully I can work on the whole confidence thing so that next year that can be one of the words I use to describe myself. But I also am hopeful and dedicated. I decided to use dedicated along with hopeful because it's not like I sit around waiting for something fantastic with music to happen. I practice all the time and I always pay attention in band, even if saxophones are supposed to be 'relaxing'. But I'm hopeful because I dream about what would happen if... For example, I dreamed what would happen if I made district band. (Sorry I keep bringing that up I'm just SO EXCITED). And from dreaming all these things I thought would happen if I made it, I worked harder. I'm only in 10th grade so I included developing. Never will I ever be a famous saxophone player- that's not my goal. My goal is to be the best I can be, and by developing each year I am living up to that goal. I also included enthusiastic because, well...... Band is pretty much all I talk about. It's the highlight of my day, the highlight of my week when we have a parade or something and marching band is the highlight of my year. (Is that sad?). Band and music make me, me. Like I said in the other essay, I don't know where I would be without it. My last word is inspired. I like to think that I'm one of those musicians that uses inspiration to be talented I guess. Music never ceases to amaze me. There's literally like anything I could possibly think of music-wise and I still wouldn't even be skimming how much music is out there. As a musician, I'm constantly looking for new ways to be amazed and music always has inspired me.


OKAY well you can comment below (I think/hope).

OH and here's my awkward pic of me sadly staring off into the distance during pregame I think. 

(I have no idea why I'm sad like what's up with that?)

What did the ocean say to the sand?

Nothing, it just waved.


HAHAHAHAHAHHAA.


Please excuse me, I'm procrastinating a history assignment.



*crying*

I don't know what I ever did to make my parents hate me

except you know, get good grades, not do drugs and be talented.

adult or not so adult

I guess I've been feeling a bit nostalgic and decided to get back on here. Wow, I was a wreck last year wasn't I?! Well, be happy to know high school is freaking awesome. I love everyone and all my new friends. I finally feel... I don't even know.. Mature I guess? I turned 16 a few weeks ago and I think it's finally hitting me just how different life is when you hit that stupid number. Suddenly, you're an adult. I can drive (with a legal guardian watching my every move). I can get a job (again with a legal guardian watching my every move). And for God's sake, I can even hop on a plane to Germany and grab a beer and drink it (hopefully with a legal guardian watching my every move). So really am I grown up if society expects adults to hold onto me so tightly I lash out and ruin my relationships with family? Honestly I don't know, but I'll keep ya posted.

only three years.

I think I finally have it all together. I have college visits scheduled, all my stuff for school in two weeks, volunteer jobs and even a real job lined up! So yes, my future is looking bright. Well on paper it's looking bright. But you know how when you have so much stuff on your plate you can't put 110% in everything because that would be impossible- so some things are at about 75% and some are at 80% but then there are the others lacking around 15%. Lately those lacking would be my personality adjustment- the only thing I still hate about myself is that shyness thing you know? I haven't been with my friends much lately, only my best friend and even he's bored with me I think. I used to be stuck in a rut with my future and now I'm stuck in a rut with my present. I don't want to go places- I want to sit around planning how college will be and what kind of activities I'm going to do in the next couple years. But I guess no one gets very far without some friends. So I'll go to the parties and all the hang outs and movie trips but I won't enjoy it. I'll be sitting there, counting down the minutes until I finally leave all these bad people and this hell hole for the beginning of a new me.

never grow up

I think an essential question for me has always been, when do we grow up and become something? Lately I've definitely had a little trouble with the whole 'acting your age thing', being that I am constantly jealous or lying or being sad and fishing for attention. There are those people out there that have always been grown up- the ones that say 'I can sleep when I'm dead' or (and yes, I know its over used) but 'Yolo!'. I was never able to be that girl that went around saying what she really felt and doing whatever seemed fun. I would always be there, too scared to get on the big rollercoaster or afraid to stand up for a best friend. I looked up to those people who could do that, and considered them mature and grown up. I still haven't had that big moment where suddenly I'm not a kid anymore and not walking around with my head to the ground or putting up with childish emotions. So maybe that never happens. Could even those big people who do things on a whim not be fearless? Could adults still have sadness and jealously? I don't know if I want to know. To me, living with this 'maybe it'll get better' idea in my head, is a lot better than having to lose the dream that maybe someday I'll be better.

relying sucks

I think the hardest thing in the world is needing someone when they don't need you. Sometimes they don't even realize you need them and they just let you walk around aimlessly, following someone who doesn't notice you. I recently went to a dance at my school and this issue was everywhere. Girls trying to get guys to notice them, friends dancing with other people to make their best friends jealous- and no one significant noticed. One of my best friends has a crush on another of my friends. It's hard because at one point I really liked him and he liked me, but I was too stuck on being popular that I never said yes. And now that he doesn't want me, it's sort of like being thrown away. And one of my other best guy friends? He didn't talk to me all night. Don't get me wrong, it was really fun. I just see all of my friends going away and my friends are the only things that keep me sane. When my two best friends start dating, his two former girlfriends, also in my friend group, will be so mad and not talk to him. And my other friend is distancing himself. So what am I going to do without them? Are they so caught up in their petty drama to realize that for the past three years, although they have been awful at times, have been the years that kept me from being alone, from being someone I wasn't? Do they not see those days we used to just talk forever about anything, and make those stupid little inside jokes that no one forgets but wants to right now? I don't just need them, I need all of them together. And I know they need everyone too. Maybe they just haven't realized it yet.

for my friend

I start out the conversation,
With 'how was your day's
And 'what's up?'s
Your simple reply,
A little playful 'fighting',
Then I try to remember.
Was there a day I went without you?
And how did I survive?
"I'm always here",
A quick remark to a fickle heart,
A heart with your words tucked away in it,
The questions unanswered,
Constantly running through my head
I need you,
Your little witty sayings,
Your short but perfect advice,
You smiles, your hugs,
Separation from you
Is something I can not handle.
It always happens, though
Those little breaks in friendship,
Different paths,
Different lives,
Walking to our own destination
What if our paths weren't meant to corss again?
What if I'm stuck in this big world without my best friend?
Maybe that's a good thing though
You will have kids, a beautiful wife,
I'll send you a text now and again,
'We should meet up'
But we never will.
So will you promise me?
To never forget me?
To tell your kids the stupid things we did, show them the pictures?
Will you still be my friend in the end?
I don't think I will forget you,
You changed my heart, my mind,
You made me a better person,
You made me, me,
I end the conversation,
With a simple good night,
A 'see you tomorrow' or two,
Hopefully our stupid little conversations always end like that.

zodiacs

Normally I'm not one to believe in superstitions. You saw a ghost? You need a counselor. You believe in magic? You belong in an insane asylum. People create things like magic and ghosts to help them deal with things that they can't without some other being helping them along. I always did have an interest in zodiac signs though. For those of you who don't know what they are, zodiacs are things you are born with. Each one represents about a month of time and whenever you are born, you get that zodiac. Most zodiacs are supposed to be reflective on what kind of personality that person has. Luckily for me, I was born on October 23rd. Some zodiacs say that's Libra. Others say it's Scorpio. So yeah, I'm the freak with the two zodiacs. Naturally on days I have time, I like to look at my horoscope on both zodiacs. They are usually freakily accurate. Characteristically, Libras are like obsessive, to put it lightly. They are described as shy but intelligent, and to be very compassionate, and fear hurting others or hostile situations. Like that is me. But then Scorpios, they are the stubborn ones. They get jealous and easily hurt, and have a really strong emotional strength. So, is it strange that out of all the zodiacs, these are a mixture of me, and I was born between them? Maybe it's just a coincidence, but maybe I should also start believing...

a lifetime

I always have those little lesson learned moments at the end of every year. In 7th grade I learned that I was kidding myself- I would never be popular, and I was right where I needed to be. In 8th grade, I learned that the people who you thought would always be there for you sometimes leave. It may not be the end of the year yet, but this lesson I've learned should carry me through. I used to think having a boyfriend would be the best thing in the world- over everything. I would even compromise myself just to have a certain boy's approval. But last night, sitting in a room with my friends just being myself and having fun, I realized that it's where I'm supposed to be. I'm not meant to be one of those girls who goes around flirting and kissing guys for fun. That's not me. I am someone who can just walk through life with a hand on each side to hold of a friend and enjoy myself. So maybe I don't have a boyfriend, and I turned down the only boy recently who was ever interested in me(even if it was for the wrong reasons), but I have friendship. And friendship lasts a lifetime.

bad flirting fate

I don't know if it's fate that leads us to do things. Maybe I was destined to be one of those band geeks. Maybe being a little shy was just written in the stars for me. So why does it seem like everytime I try to lead something in my favor, it turns sour? Was I destined to be a turn off when talking to guys? I don't think God is THAT cruel. I guess this whole post is about my 'ew why is that potato talking to me' effect I have on guys when I try to flirt. It figures that out of every guy that I possibly know, the only one that wants to flirt is the one I don't want to flirt with! I think my guy friends just look at me as that girl who they will love but never LOVE love. That girl that's kinda funny, but is treated as 'one of the guys'. That girl that's kinda pretty... But have you seen *****?! I'm just kind of stuck in this little in between place, and I have no idea how to escape. I'm stuck in the cage of my bad flirting fate.

unfortunate events

Today's post is about unfortunate events. You know like those times where you get that awful gut feeling because you know you said something wrong? Ah, yes.. For example once at a church camp I made a joke with the word 'bitch' in it. Long story short, I never really went there again. And not only do these awful things haunt us, but they all seem to come up at night when all anyone wants to do is sleep. Which is actually kind of why I am writing this as my eyes slowly close in exhaustion and another memory pops up. Lord help me.

the perfect pair

I'm so confused.

I don't know what to do.

I can't think of anything

But you.

Your hugs, 

Your smile,

Those beautiful eyes,

Somedays I think I'm losing my mind.

You make me feel breathless,

You make me feel sick,

With everything you do,

Ever so perfect

But why would I matter?

Why would you care?

I'm merely a little girl

It's really not fair.

I just want to be special

I want to be yours

But that's just fantasy

You're too mature

But you'll be in my dreams

And forever there,

I'll be in your arms,

The perfect pair.

the monster

there's this voice in my head.
she speaks to me everyday.
muzzles can't touch this blabber.
what is this voice?
i call her many names.
my favorite is monster.
she speaks of hatred,
she speaks of jealously,
she speaks of evil.
Do this.
Do that.
this voice controls me.
she makes me stress.
she makes me worry.
she makes me cry.
Work.
Work.
Work.
all i get are commands.
Be better.
Must be the best.
all i get are pessimistic words.
Ugly.
Fat.
Loser.
i can't get away.
all i am is a slave to her demands.
but what is her newest demand?
Leave.
No one cares anyways.
Who said you had friends?
Who said your family loved you?
she is now screaming it.
screaming at me to leave.
her screams never cease.
i can't get away from her...
... but what is that?
you say this voice is me?
it can't be!
how could it?
i am a slave to myself?
i am the monster?

yes.
i am the monster.

recreation.

I spent my last weekend being anorexic. Lol, jk. Well sorta. I went to this 30 Hour Famine thing where we obviously didn't eat for 30 hours. Now, I'm not gonna get on here and talk about how amazingly fun it was (which it was), but kinda what I learned. When I write on here, it's usually me complaining about something, whether it be friends, or my dad, or something really stupid. I mean, they showed us all these videos of children that barely had any clothes, let alone a reason to be upset that theirs weren't designer, and some didn't even live with their parents anymore, but yet I constantly complain about my loving ones. It was just kinda one of those 'Whoa, I'm an awfully spoiled person' moments. So, from now on, I'm not gonna complain anymore on here. I'm gonna write about happy things, or at least reasons to be happy. And I'm gonna be a different person now. I mean, I have a new school next year, new possibilities, new people, new friend possibilities... Now's the time to recreate myself. And this isn't gonna be one of those things where the girl gets all snotty and then learns a lesson... I'm gonna recreate myself for the better and just be an all around better person. But most of all? Every night I'm gonna think of those kids, and I'm gonna pray for them. They deserve what I have more than I do. But, they really can't. So, instead, along with my praying, I will be the best person I can be. That's all God wanted anyways.

almost lovers

I don't really know if I should be writing this. Chances are, it'll bite me in the butt. But hey, oh well. Do you know what an almost lover is? It's one of those people that you sorta kinda had a thing with and it didn't work out. I have a couple of those, maybe four. All of those guys I'm still friends with, some more than others, so it's not like it was one of those nasty things. But see, almost lovers are even worse than real lovers. Almost lovers are those people that you think you love, and you think they love you, but neither of you really do. In this process, almost lovers almost always cause heart ache. They are one of those people that you want to be happy, but yet it kills you to see them with someone else. All of my almost lovers I've never gotten over. I guess part of me still has that hope, even though I know it will never work, and I really don't like them. It's hard getting over almost lovers. Sometimes you just have to say goodbye to that person they were and accept the person they are now though, because living in the past sucks. So, goodbye to all my almost lovers.



*inspired by the song Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy*

me

So I never really introduced myself on here. I'm a very tough person. Some people I let through me easily, but others just don't know the real me. I don't think anyone currently knows the real me. Some I don't trust, some I don't know well enough to trust, some don't deserve to know. Shy is pretty much my middle name. I was never one of those little kids that would jump at the chance to be the star or the attention grabber. I was usually the little kid in the back of the room, sitting quietly, waiting for my turn. I don't know if that's why suddenly when I became less shy I wanted to be the center of attention, but I'll admit it: I want attention sometimes. I come off as bitchy this way. Like if I'm doing something to get back at someone and they don't even notice it just makes me more upset. I also have a hard time getting over things. So these personality traits all mix together into one big giant mess that is me. Whenever I finally get a best friend, I usually push them away with those traits. Either I'm too pushy or not pushy enough, or I lean on them too much, tell them too much, and I come off as whiny. What no one knows though: when I tell people something about me, one of my insecurities, it means they are a step closer to my trust. And now since no one reads these, I'm going to say some of my biggest secrets I guess. I give myself away easily. Like, if a guy comes up to me, I would fall into his arms if he wanted me to. Sometimes I confuse what I just said with what some guys want to do with me. It ends badly. I also purposely stress myself out. I get back aches and head aches from too much stress usually and I purposely make myself stressed so I get the pain. I don't know if that's like a weirded out version of cutting yourself, but I don't know much. People all say I'm really smart, but they don't know how hard I work for where I am. I seriously study maybe two hours a night. It's not natural smart. All those people who say I'm smart? I would be down at their level if I let my guard down for a week. Piano used to be my one love, the one thing that would never hate me. We got in a fight recently, though. I'm on the edge of quitting and I haven't touched it in at least two weeks. I have this thing about being the best- like I said earlier, it's part of those traits. Everyone always tells me I'm good, but to me, I'm not good enough unless I'm the best.

Well, this was pretty much just one of those, 'letters you'll never send' deals. If anyone reads this, don't worry. Again, it's just me.