BAND PROJECT/SOMETHING I WOULD ACTUALLY NORMALLY WRITE ABOUT

OKAY! Well, Mr. Sheehan. I mean, you can go through my old posts and read them to find out a biography about me, but to not waste your time, here's a simple one.

My name is Mikayla. I play alto sax, piano and I wish I could say guitar but we aren't really friends at the moment. I just made district band (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) so I guess I can't say I'm bad at saxophone anymore. I've kind of quit piano lately but I'm gonna get back to it maybe. I was in kanit last year so I guess I'm somewhat a percussionist if you count fighting Harber in a power rangers shirt as percussion. I kind of love band. Like it's pretty much all I talk about. Pretty sure I annoy people too much about it.

GOALS:

1. Become more confident.
So I don't know if this is accurate as 'something that's reachable' because I have been trying to become confident for a few years. I guess confidence isn't something that just comes to me. To get more confidence I guess I just have to let go of some of my petty fears. Going into something, like auditioning for district band, I even told myself like 'It's not a big deal if you don't make it, just go and play', but in the moment I freak. I could also try to play for other people more so it's not a big deal when I have to play for the people that matter, aka you haha.

2. Play more musically.
I think when I played piano I did play my saxophone more musically, but now that I've quit, I just have to get 'closer' I guess to my saxophone. To work on this I can listen to the piece I'm playing and try to hear how it is supposed to sound. Or, like what I used to do with piano, find a memory that the piece sounds like and play it thinking of that memory. If the song is sad, find something sad. If it's happy, find something happy.

3. Make SWE.
This one... Well I hope it's possible haha. I think it's measurable since I made district band. I could do it by practicing like every single night like I did for district band so I can try. I can also go to all my sax lessons and get as much help from my teacher as possible.

ESSAYS:

What does music mean to me? Well, music has just always been there. I mean, I'd like to have one of those cute stories where I had been singing before I could talk, playing around on the piano before I knew what notes were, but I don't. To be completely honest, I absolutely hated piano for the first four years I took it. The teacher I had was annoying and made me do these little finger exercises and made me learn scales and I was just like... Why are my parents paying for my personal torture? (And this was before Mr. Kunkle, I did love him when I took from him). So then in fourth grade my parents bought me a new form of torture- a saxophone. This time, I couldn't even breathe when I played it, and I couldn't even play the normal easy stuff I played on piano because it was in a different key. Like what the heck?? I went through elementary school a little easier though. People thought I was cool for playing instruments. Then, band camp. This was just a way of torture that I didn't think I could handle. So enough about my non-musical past. I don't know if it was band or Mr. Kunkle to thank for my love of music, maybe both. Mr. Kunkle got me to love piano in seventh grade with beautiful songs I couldn't even attempt to read that he got me to play. Then around eighth grade band started to grow on me. People didn't make fun of me for being a band geek and I was kind of okay at it. So here I am now, slightly better at saxophone, on a break from piano and I am in love with music. Now how did this long paragraph of my musical past prove what music means to me? If I'm being truthful, I don't know where I would be without music in my life at this point in it. Pretty much everything I have is from music: my friend group, my opportunities, my inspiration. I owe music my life because who knows what I would be doing right now without it. With music, I can express myself. I can be with a group of people that I love and they love me back no matter what happens. I have something that I'm good at and no matter how down I am sometimes I honestly just think about something that's going on at band later or what is going to happen at sax quartet next week and I'm instantly better. Without music, I'm nothing. But with music, I can be something. Yes, I did say can. Sometimes music stresses me out so much I want to scream. It's hard work. I constantly worry about who is the best and whether or not I'm good enough. But it's worth the good moments. Like the time I heard I was good enough for district band. Or that time we went to the first football game and literally got a compliment from everyone. Music is my life now, and that's why it's so special to me.

The six words that describe me as a musician are pessimistic, inspired, dedicated, developing, enthusiastic and hopeful.
Well you can guess why I chose pessimistic. I'm not the most confident player and I don't know why honestly, maybe because I'm so obsessed with being the best. Hopefully I can work on the whole confidence thing so that next year that can be one of the words I use to describe myself. But I also am hopeful and dedicated. I decided to use dedicated along with hopeful because it's not like I sit around waiting for something fantastic with music to happen. I practice all the time and I always pay attention in band, even if saxophones are supposed to be 'relaxing'. But I'm hopeful because I dream about what would happen if... For example, I dreamed what would happen if I made district band. (Sorry I keep bringing that up I'm just SO EXCITED). And from dreaming all these things I thought would happen if I made it, I worked harder. I'm only in 10th grade so I included developing. Never will I ever be a famous saxophone player- that's not my goal. My goal is to be the best I can be, and by developing each year I am living up to that goal. I also included enthusiastic because, well...... Band is pretty much all I talk about. It's the highlight of my day, the highlight of my week when we have a parade or something and marching band is the highlight of my year. (Is that sad?). Band and music make me, me. Like I said in the other essay, I don't know where I would be without it. My last word is inspired. I like to think that I'm one of those musicians that uses inspiration to be talented I guess. Music never ceases to amaze me. There's literally like anything I could possibly think of music-wise and I still wouldn't even be skimming how much music is out there. As a musician, I'm constantly looking for new ways to be amazed and music always has inspired me.


OKAY well you can comment below (I think/hope).

OH and here's my awkward pic of me sadly staring off into the distance during pregame I think. 

(I have no idea why I'm sad like what's up with that?)

What did the ocean say to the sand?

Nothing, it just waved.


HAHAHAHAHAHHAA.


Please excuse me, I'm procrastinating a history assignment.



*crying*

I don't know what I ever did to make my parents hate me

except you know, get good grades, not do drugs and be talented.

adult or not so adult

I guess I've been feeling a bit nostalgic and decided to get back on here. Wow, I was a wreck last year wasn't I?! Well, be happy to know high school is freaking awesome. I love everyone and all my new friends. I finally feel... I don't even know.. Mature I guess? I turned 16 a few weeks ago and I think it's finally hitting me just how different life is when you hit that stupid number. Suddenly, you're an adult. I can drive (with a legal guardian watching my every move). I can get a job (again with a legal guardian watching my every move). And for God's sake, I can even hop on a plane to Germany and grab a beer and drink it (hopefully with a legal guardian watching my every move). So really am I grown up if society expects adults to hold onto me so tightly I lash out and ruin my relationships with family? Honestly I don't know, but I'll keep ya posted.

only three years.

I think I finally have it all together. I have college visits scheduled, all my stuff for school in two weeks, volunteer jobs and even a real job lined up! So yes, my future is looking bright. Well on paper it's looking bright. But you know how when you have so much stuff on your plate you can't put 110% in everything because that would be impossible- so some things are at about 75% and some are at 80% but then there are the others lacking around 15%. Lately those lacking would be my personality adjustment- the only thing I still hate about myself is that shyness thing you know? I haven't been with my friends much lately, only my best friend and even he's bored with me I think. I used to be stuck in a rut with my future and now I'm stuck in a rut with my present. I don't want to go places- I want to sit around planning how college will be and what kind of activities I'm going to do in the next couple years. But I guess no one gets very far without some friends. So I'll go to the parties and all the hang outs and movie trips but I won't enjoy it. I'll be sitting there, counting down the minutes until I finally leave all these bad people and this hell hole for the beginning of a new me.

never grow up

I think an essential question for me has always been, when do we grow up and become something? Lately I've definitely had a little trouble with the whole 'acting your age thing', being that I am constantly jealous or lying or being sad and fishing for attention. There are those people out there that have always been grown up- the ones that say 'I can sleep when I'm dead' or (and yes, I know its over used) but 'Yolo!'. I was never able to be that girl that went around saying what she really felt and doing whatever seemed fun. I would always be there, too scared to get on the big rollercoaster or afraid to stand up for a best friend. I looked up to those people who could do that, and considered them mature and grown up. I still haven't had that big moment where suddenly I'm not a kid anymore and not walking around with my head to the ground or putting up with childish emotions. So maybe that never happens. Could even those big people who do things on a whim not be fearless? Could adults still have sadness and jealously? I don't know if I want to know. To me, living with this 'maybe it'll get better' idea in my head, is a lot better than having to lose the dream that maybe someday I'll be better.

relying sucks

I think the hardest thing in the world is needing someone when they don't need you. Sometimes they don't even realize you need them and they just let you walk around aimlessly, following someone who doesn't notice you. I recently went to a dance at my school and this issue was everywhere. Girls trying to get guys to notice them, friends dancing with other people to make their best friends jealous- and no one significant noticed. One of my best friends has a crush on another of my friends. It's hard because at one point I really liked him and he liked me, but I was too stuck on being popular that I never said yes. And now that he doesn't want me, it's sort of like being thrown away. And one of my other best guy friends? He didn't talk to me all night. Don't get me wrong, it was really fun. I just see all of my friends going away and my friends are the only things that keep me sane. When my two best friends start dating, his two former girlfriends, also in my friend group, will be so mad and not talk to him. And my other friend is distancing himself. So what am I going to do without them? Are they so caught up in their petty drama to realize that for the past three years, although they have been awful at times, have been the years that kept me from being alone, from being someone I wasn't? Do they not see those days we used to just talk forever about anything, and make those stupid little inside jokes that no one forgets but wants to right now? I don't just need them, I need all of them together. And I know they need everyone too. Maybe they just haven't realized it yet.